Saturday, December 31, 2022

Countdown to Judgment Day 2022

After Effects: sub jason 3 yrs


In sub jason's own words...

Another year has nearly passed. i have just arrived at MsPatty's, and have begun my typical couple of hours of waiting.  This time, i am confined in MsPatty's cage table - until She is ready to begin.  That will be sometime in the early evening.  MsPatty deliberately gives me this time to reflect on what has previously transpired, what may be on the plate for later on, and to write about what has been going through my mind.

It has occurred to me that this day and week of December contains two milestones. The first milestone is tied to 7 years ago, on New Year's Eve 2015. For me, it is the anniversary of my first in-person visit to MsPatty's space. More importantly, MsPatty identifies it as the first time Her boys between my thighs came home to Her. MsPatty also concluded, by the end of that meeting, that one day She would lead me to experience my fantasy of castration. Every year since, sans the first year, we have managed to have a meeting during this week between the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Each year, MsPatty celebrates the return of Her boys to Her hands. It has become a gift that - so far - keeps on giving (to Her).

The second milestone occurred 3 years ago, on December 26. 2019.  On that date, MsPatty modified her boys between my thighs to, as She puts it, serve only Her.  Using Her band on the Tri-bander, an acrylic press, and by injecting Her boys with Everclear within the space of an hour, She produced a life-changing moment in time.  This would significantly reduce my testosterone level to below normal over the next 8-12 hours, rendering me sexually dysfunctional by morning.  Unbeknownst at the time, my then ~40 years of being able to engage and enjoy heterosexual activities with other women would effectively and abruptly came to an end.  In an odd date coincidence, MsPatty's first response to my filling out Her Contact Form arrived in my email box just past midnight on December 26, 2015 - exactly 4 years earlier to the day.  i was also able to stop in this week on Monday, December 26th, to provide my sample for the most current T-test, which hopefully is available for MsPatty's review tonight.

Going back to events on December 26, 2019, MsPatty had then hinted that, along with the banding, and the acrylic press, She may have injected the CaCl in Everclear solution (a speculative lie - for it's mind-fucking effect).  It would have caused the greater damage of Her three injection possibilities.  After all of the activities from the visit concluded the next morning, i was already experiencing the initial effects of plummeting testosterone, including problems getting hard, and struggling to release when being forced to by her wand.  i made a brief comment to Her following that ordeal, not knowing, but possibly realizing somehow, that my castration fantasy experience was more real than fantasy.  i said (in context) that if this struggle was to be my sexual future, that i would prefer to suffer for Her in this reduced state vs having no libido at all.  These speculative words of clarity (in hindsight) have, in a way, become true at this point.

MsPatty says She doesn't recall hearing those words from me at the time.  She was still greatly aroused and buzzing from the intense and extended overnight activities.  From Her perspective it would not have mattered by that point.  She was certain that She had successfully taken away my libido for awhile with the banding, the goal She had decided on 4 years earlier, and as She had told me She would do, just over a month earlier.  By virtue of injecting Everclear (which only she knew about that at the time), She had already determined that i would have a long-term reminder, i.e. - She wanted to cause some permanent damage.  After a few months, She teased that a small hint of healing/recovery might show up.  This was noticed in my updates, but then further improvement quickly stalled.  By my summer 2020 visit, it was obvious that MsPatty had succeeded in both of her goals.  i had indeed experienced the effects of castration, and i would always have a reminder of the experience.  She sheds no tears at the significant and permanent effect She has had on my libido; for there remains no question now that She owns her boys between my thighs.

Each year, since that date 3 years ago, has been defined as Judgement Day by MsPatty.  In the month or so leading up to Judgement Day 2022, She has put together a series of polls, teasers, and history montages online.  In private, She has again been lubing up what i refer to as Her 'mind fuck' phallus, using it to drive all kinds of speculation into my mind as to what may be in store for this anniversary.  It of course stirs up the past Judgement Day events...

The first modification anniversary, 2020, it was Her offering a 'Russian Roulette' of three syringes - Saline, Everclear, or CaCl 50% solution in Everclear - and Her boys received a massive fluid injection from the syringe i chose.  By sheer chance, i chose the safest, which was saline.  i would only learn the results of my choice a few weeks later, for no significant change appeared in my (now much more limited) sexual capacity.  This visit's experience would actually draw some past connection to the 2 years of visits anniversary, where She injected each of Her boys with 2cc of Everclear, and my libido was quietly dimmed a fair amount for the next ~2.5 months.

The second modification anniversary, 2021, was a revisiting of the various castration resources MsPatty has at Her bright red fingertips.  MsPatty began with the Burdizzo, painfully compressing, but not fully crushing, one of my cords, before deciding against the method.  Next was the Tri-Bander, which MsPatty had identified back in July 2019 to be path She would use for my fantasy castration experience.  i was banded again, for 20 minutes, before She also decided against continuing with that.  Following those two possibilities, She teased to the camera/audience at what surgical removal would entail (blindfolded, i could not see it, only feel her sharp tools, and hear Her words), followed by the smelling of Everclear and a massive injection of liquid into one or both of Her boys between my thighs.  Due to my already damaged and fragile reproductive system, a few days later i would notice symptoms of a drop in my already low libido.  i would remain unsure if She had actually delivered Her coup de grace between my thighs until a few weeks later that She had switched syringes, and only injected saline.  The slightly lower testosterone numbers in a test a few months later, however, pointed to how little She might have to do down there in the future. 

This year, i have continued to do my best to keep MsPatty updated with my frustrations, and the functional limitations i experience, involving my lack of libido.  Many times, She proudly responds with "Yes, i did that." and occasionally reports how often my words get her juiced to the point she must press her special buttons and climax over and over again.  Indirectly keeping Her wet, pleasured, and amused, with updates of my ongoing struggles, may be the key to being granted another year with Her boys between my thighs.  As long as i remain frustrated at the memories of what i can no longer achieve, disappointed knowing there are women i can no longer pursue, yet still experience daily physical reminders of what She did, and what used to reliably function, MsPatty may allow me to keep Her boys between my thighs for a while.  At the same time, i know MsPatty is still a very Strong Woman, and one that can, and without warning, change Her mind. 

Through all of his, it is obvious to me that what is left of my libido is very weak and remains sensitive to even minor impacts.  MsPatty knows this, and it excites Her as much as it disappoints me.  She always seems to want more from Her boys.  As She manipulates my mind, i have come to accept that what is left of my sexual future resides fully under MsPatty's control.


For those that have been following this journey and have offered those delicate bits between Your thighs to MsPatty in comments but have yet to follow through:  If you think you live too far away, know that i have lived between 450-750mi from MsPatty's space over this time.  This translates into an 8-12hr drive, which i split up, and mix in visits to other people i know along the way.  This means that you have no excuse not to visit MsPatty.  To the best of my calculation, this is also my 35th visit, making for an average of 5 visits each year.  Even if you can only make it once or maybe twice, you should really make the effort today.  It is time start Your own unique journey with MsPatty.

Monday, December 19, 2022

Before That Life Changing Session...


Ready to take that big step towards the destruction of those pesky bits of hanging flesh between your thighs? Before we begin, order yourself a home testosterone test to find out exactly where your testosterone levels are at. Check out which today, you can save 30% by using the promo code "HOLIDAY30" at check out. Testing only requires a finger poke which the instructions inside the box will walk you through, then you just mail out your pre-paid package. Within days, you will receive your results. I've used this company several times over the last 3 years and have been pleased with their service. 

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Saturday, December 17, 2022

Latest Libido Questionnaire: sub jason.

This is the latest libido questionnaire that sub jason has filled out prior to Judgment Day 2022. This should give you an idea of his current situation, libido wise. 
You are receiving this questionnaire to help Me understand your current libido/sex drive, and/or possibly any change in it you may have experienced in our journey together.  I may have attached this to a correspondence with additional guidance or context, so I need you to follow that.  If not, your answers should generally apply to the past few weeks unless otherwise noted.

If some question numbers are missing, they may have not applied to our shared interests/experiences/journey, and I have omitted them.  Some questions may be based upon physiological responses (or lack thereof) which you are not experiencing and may not have an answer at this time.

The familiar name I know you by (sub/sissy/bttm)_sub jason.

Make note of the day/month/year when you are filling this out here: 12/12/2022.

About how long ago was the experience which brought about observable changes in your libido?

1082_ days/weeks/months/years (Hint: Google can help, if you ask Her correctly)

Now save the questionnaire before you continue, replacing 'male' with your familiar name, and replace mm and yy with the current month and year.

1. Prior to this experience, would you have considered your male libido to have been 1) below normal, 2) average, 3) strong? (3)

2. Please respond to sub-questions a-f from the actual experience.  If this is a repeat questionnaire, copy in your past answers:

a) Did My testicle(s) swell as part of the experience?  Yes

b) Did either/both of My testicles remain elevated/pulled up close to your torso for an extended period of time afterward?  Yes

c) If either 1 or 2, for approximately how long before one/both returned to normal size/extension? (explain) ~2 weeks

d) Did you notice if your cord(s) had any bumps, sensitivity, or thickness changes?  Yes, both, thicker and more sensitive

e) If 1, 2, or 4 was answered Yes, have either/any caused you any abdominal discomfort? Not since the experience.

f) Within the context of the above questions, do you have anything else to include? The immediate symptoms from the experience have given way to long-term permanent changes.  i am sexually dysfunctional.

3. Compared to before the experience, would you describe your current sex drive to be 1) unchanged, 2) reduced, 3) missing, 4) improved, 5) returned to normal. Between 2 and 3.

3a. If this is for a follow-up questionnaire, how has it changed since the last time you answered? i remain sexually unable to perform and am limited to masturbation.

4. Since the experience or last questionnaire (whichever is most recent), has your groin area experienced more sweat/humidity/dampness than usual?  No changes at ~3 years.

5. Has your ability to achieve spontaneous (non-physically stimulated) erections changed?   Please describe anything you may have noticed. - i remain unable to gain an erection without physical stimulation, or pharmaceutical assistance.

6. Since the experience or last questionnaire, has your flaccid/at-rest member (inside underwear & jeans/shorts) changed in sensitivity? i.e. - has it become more sensitive? or less, possibly like normal skin elsewhere on your body? or some combination of both?  - No changes since last questionnaire.  my penis sensitivity remains low.

7. Aside from any lingering physical symptoms from the experience, do you mentally 'feel' any different between your thighs than before?  As in neutral, something missing, void?  If so, explain:  - i am still very close to neutral most of the time.  Sometimes in the morning, when testosterone is at its highest, i may notice something more, and when i am on extended chastity.

8. Has your at-rest member become noticeably smaller/retracted/atrophied? and/or gained in size?  If changes have occurred, explain the most recent you have noticed.

- i remain the same as i have for much of the past three years - my package is smaller, and best attributed to the size of a male entering puberty.

9. Can you currently achieve a partial (thickening) or fairly/full erection at this time with physical stimulation?  - Yes, barely.

9a. If you can, what, if any, difference would you say there is in length and/or girth? - i remain unchanged in the past two years.  i can reach about 5" with varying levels of hardness, but generally less than it used to be. 

9b. Assuming there is a difference from before the experience, how does this change make you feel?  - Unable to engage in natural sexual activity with other women, and i am thereby lacking in interest to engage.

10. Since the experience, have you felt the need to masturbate more/unchanged/less often? (an explanation is encouraged if any change is noticed) - i continue to desire to edge and maturate, but biologically i am unable to produce enough fluids for more than 2 releases a week, with a few days between. 

11. Within the past ~2-4 weeks, have you been able to successfully achieve a release of sexual fluids?  No - i am currently in chastity for what is my 3rd week of ~5 weeks.

11a. If Yes, and if several times, about how often have you released in that period? N/A

11b. IF Yes, about how long is it until the urge to do so again returned? N/A

12. Assuming you have successfully released, and been able to observe it, have you noticed any changes in your ejaculate (quantity/contents/viscosity/mixture) since prior to the experience? It remains a poor subset of my former healthy ejaculate.  i produce less ejaculate per release, over a much-extended recovery period.

13. Have you felt any hot flashes? or woken up with night sweats?  or found it difficult at times to get warm/stay cool? Feeling warm after going to bed remains an initial challenge on many nights even though there are no changes in temperature in my dwelling.

13a. If yes, which of these? and about how frequently have they occurred? (in the past ~2-4 weeks) - Once or twice in a given week.

14. Have you needed to make any changes to your toilet routine when urinating or defecating?  None beyond taking care when sitting the direction of my urine stream

14a. If Yes, what do you find yourself doing differently?

15. Has your scrotum's size and/or it's average elasticity changed (less/more) since the experience? (an explanation is encouraged if any change has been noticed) - it has lost some of its stretch, and has visibly become smaller, having smaller internal components.

16. Has the contour/texture/feel of either of My testicles (inside the scrotum) changed in any way?  Aside from their size, please describe any changes noticed.

- None since last questionnaire, although visual comparisons to 2015 show they are notably smaller and no longer robust in their presence within my scrotum.

17. After any initial testicle swelling subsided from the experience, have you noticed any atrophy and/or regained mass in them since, and in any way?  

17a. If yes, what is your current size estimate (%) vs before their physical size before this experience?

- None since the last questionnaire or the experience subsided beyond noted volume observations.

18. Have you (or someone else) noticed any change in your emotional temperament? (the urge to cry, get irate, experience mood swings, etc).

18a. If so, which? and under what circumstances was it noticed?

- None that i know of.

19. Would you say that you have lost some/any strength or upper body muscle?

- Its likely possible, although COVID lifestyle and age are contributing factors.  i have less energy overall, and my strength and stamina are down.

20. Has your sexual pursuit of/interest in/interactions with the female sex changed in any way as a result of this experience?  Yes

20a. If Yes, explain what you feel is different: i no longer have a desire to pursue female partnership with a sexual component.  i am unable to contribute that component to a relationship if they desire adding it.

21. Have you gained any weight? or possibly gone up/down any clothing sizes (i.e. - around your waistline)?  If so, about how much?

- It seems possible, although COVID lifestyle and age are contributing factors.  i am probably 60 lbs heavier since the ~2018-2019-time frame.

22. Have you noticed any changes in facial hair growth or it's texture?

- None

23. Have you felt any difference in your male sexual identity?

23a. If Yes, please explain how it may have changed since the experience, and/or since the previous questionnaire.

- None since last questionnaire, but i remain sexually impotent.

24. Has any body hair (arms, legs, chest, back, etc) changed in any way?

- No changes

25. Has there been any sensitivity changes in your nipples, or breast texture?

- None noticed.

26. Assuming you are able to achieve sexual release (via masturbation, coitus, etc), please answer this section:

a. has the lead-up process/effort of reaching the point of climax changed for you in any way?  - Yes, since the experience, no change since last questionnaire.

a1. If Yes, how would you describe those changes? - A significant effort remains to get erect, and the approach to the plateau is difficult to enjoy/manage.

b. has the euphoric reward (afterglow) period changed for you in any way?  - Yes, since the experience, no change since last questionnaire.

b1. If Yes, what seems different now? - It remains much less rewarding than it used to be before and disappears quickly.

27. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 representing highest effort/lowest reward (i.e. - not worth it/unable to achieve), and 10 representing the lowest effort/highest reward (i.e. possibly from sometime before this experience), how would you rate your current climax effort/reward experience?  It remains in the 2-3 range.

28. Given an ideal situation to engage in sexual copulation right now, with an interested partner, how do you rate your chances of physically participating (as a male)?  Use the scale of 1=failure to 5=high success:  2, and only because i have a blue pill.  My only attempt in the past two years was a failure (without the pill).

29. Is there anything you might want to add as an additional comment or observation?  Please use the end of this questionnaire for this:

- i know You do not consider me castrated, but i continue to suffer the effects of my castration fantasy, and probably will for the rest of my life. 

Do not be surprised if I require you to fill out this questionnaire, or an updated version of it, again in the future.

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Current Measurements: sub jason.

These are the current, pre-judgment day measurements of My balls between sub jason's thighs. 

Left Testicle:

Dec 2020: 4.0cm x 3.5cm x 2.0cm -> 117.286
Jan 2021: 4.1cm x 3.5cm x 2.0cm -> 120.218
Feb 2021: 4.25cm x 3.55cm x 2.05cm -> 129.557
Mar 2021: 4.5cm x 3.55cm x 2.05cm -> 137.18 (old peak)
Dec 2021: 4.15cm x 3.55cm x 2.05cm -> 126.51
Aug 2022: 4.2cm x 3.3cm x 1.85cm -> 107.405
Sep 2022: 4.3cm x 3.4cm x 2.2cm -> 134.728
Dec 2022: 4.38cm x 3.37cm x 2.4cm -> 148.39 (new peak)

Right testicle:

Dec 2020: 4.4cm x 3.5cm x 2.4cm -> 141.916
Jan 2021: 4.45cm x 3.55cm x 2.5cm -> 165.431
Feb 2021: 4.45cm x 3.6cm x 2.5cm -> 167.761 (peak)
Mar 2021: 4.5cm x 3.5cm x 2.05cm -> 135.25
Dec 2021: 4.2cm x 3.45cm x 2.05cm -> 124.43
Aug 2022: 4.3cm x 3.2cm x 2.30cm -> 132.567
Sep 2022: 4.35cm x 3.25cm x 2.2cm -> 130.281
Dec 2022: 4.28cm x 3.17cm x 2.37cm -> 134.691

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Sunday, December 11, 2022

Before & After: sub jason.

Before & After in sub jason's own words...

You modified the natural biological functions between my thighs. Without a functional tool for having sex, i feel like a fish out of water.  The details:

- Before: High libido

- After: Low/Lack of libido

- Before: Fully viable releases possible 2-3 times a day, with 3rd output sufficient if enough hydration; recovery possible by the next day.

- After: Semi-viable releases possible 1-2 times a week, content quality/quantity is low/questionable on the second if too soon, recovery several days.

- Before: strong erection, good quantity/quality and rewarding ejaculations, high confidence.

- After: dysfunctional erection, poor quality/quantity releases, performance anxiety, lack of confidence.

- Before: Spontaneous erections possible at any time.

- After: Spontaneous erections impossible.  Both physical stimulation and mental interest, or pharmaceutical enhancement, needed.

- Before: 6"+ length, firm, able to penetrate a pussy.

- After: 5"+ length, semi-firm, unable to penetrate a pussy. 

#extreme cbt, #Everclear injections, #body modification, #medfet, #banding, #bdsm medical fetish, #medical cbt, #sub jason update, #castration, #tribander, #testicle banding, #judgment day

Sunday, December 4, 2022

After Effects: sub jason 2 years, 11 months.


In sub jason's own words...

Sub Jason Update - 2 years, 11 months

MsPatty has noted to me that many still follow this journey i have been on with Her.  To be fair, little has changed physically since She shared my last personal update in September.  For those new to reading this journey, there is plenty of week by week and month by month detail in the posted summary details on MsPatty's Medical Blog.  There are my first visits starting in December 2015, with events as far back as July 2019 being relevant to now.  She has also been asked what were my interests? and what were, and now, are MsPatty's goals?  All i can say about the future is that all of us are curious where this may end up, but none of it is written yet.  This is because MsPatty is quite simply A Woman.  There is no script involved.  Even if there were one, She could easily change Her mind at any point, and i know at times She has.

The well summarized version of the past ~3 years is that MsPatty caused my fantasy castration experience to transpire on the evening of December 26, 2019 after a 3+ month stretch of chastity.  She spread a thick castration band on Her tri-bander and closed it around the neck of my scrotum early that evening.  She then forced excess fluids out of 'Her boys' past the band with an acrylic press.  Around 30 minutes into the banding, She injected a total of 3cc Everclear, and removed the band after an hour had passed.  From the moment the band closed, my testosterone began falling.  As the hour progressed, both testicles shut down.  The static Everclear we now know took an additional toll.  The chastity high i walked in with was quickly forgotten, and my once-strong libido faded away during the overnight.  The effects of male menopause (i.e. castration symptoms) took hold over the next few days.  Both testicles quickly swelled to more than 2x, then atrophied to about 1/3 their original size a few weeks later.  i noticed a minor hint of a libido appear after about three months, and some testicle volume returned over the year or so that followed but has not returned to what it was.  Only a minor ~1-2% improvement in T-levels has been seen each year.  It is obvious now that significant damage transpired, and i will probably never know a normal libido again.

At some point during this past year or so, i queried MsPatty about the results She had been aiming for.  Her response was that She hoped for a temporary, yet possibly extended, period of no libido (i.e. a castration experience).  This implied something longer than the ~2-3 months which an hour banding (solo) might typically have produced, with late spring 2020 or the summer more likely for my general recovery.  She had also noticed my fairly high (unmeasured but perceived) testosterone level over many prior visits.  She had hoped for a slight drop in that (i.e. some damage).  As noted in the frequent testing since, i have yet to reach even the low edge of normal testosterone levels.  Both of 'Her boys' are comparatively smaller now.  i remain limp without external physical stimulation or pharmaceutical enhancement, and even those physical effects are off from what i once achieved.  my libido is a mere shadow of what it once was, and at times barely perceivable.  MsPatty knows She far exceeded Her expectations, and this thrills the part of Her which craves needing to control.

MsPatty has been asked a number of times if this was what i wanted.  The question in effect being, did i, "no longer want be able to have normal heterosexual relations with women?"  As far as something permanent was concerned, the answer to that is no.  There was a fantasy involved, implying only a temporary experience.  i had an expectation that at some point i would have recovered much of my libido as it was before.  At the same time, i knew there were risks involved.  Some of them have contributed to what has since transpired, and i have to accept them.

MsPatty reminds me often that, while i am not truly castrated, the resulting impotence/sexual dysfunction from low testosterone does not bother Her.  She believes She has helped 'Her boys' to server a higher purpose (Her).  This has now become part of my extended journey with MsPatty.  She gets off on my ongoing struggles with a low to non-existent libido, and my inability to perform sexually.  Since the pandemic has eased, i know i have missed several opportunities to have sex with interested ladies of my age - all because of what has transpired.  From this, MsPatty knows She controls what remains of my sexual future and has effectively left Her permanent mark inside of me.  

#extreme cbt, #Everclear injections, #body modification, #medfet, #banding, #bdsm medical fetish, #medical cbt, #sub jason update, #castration, #tribander, #testicle banding, #judgment day

September Measurements: sub jason.

These are the last measurements of My balls between sub jason's thighs. As you can see, the variations are most likely natural fluctuations at this point. They will be measured again soon before Judgment Day 2022. 

Left Testicle:

Dec 2020: 4.0cm x 3.5cm x 2.0cm -> 117.286

Jan 2021: 4.1cm x 3.5cm x 2.0cm -> 120.218

Feb 2021: 4.25cm x 3.55cm x 2.05cm -> 129.557

Mar 2021: 4.5cm x 3.55cm x 2.05cm -> 137.18 (peak)

Dec 2021: 4.15cm x 3.55cm x 2.05cm -> 126.51

Aug 2022: 4.2cm x 3.3cm x 1.85cm -> 107.405

Sep 2022: 4.3cm x 3.4cm x 2.2cm -> 134.728

Right testicle:

Dec 2020: 4.4cm x 3.5cm x 2.4cm -> 141.916

Jan 2021: 4.45cm x 3.55cm x 2.5cm -> 165.431

Feb 2021: 4.45cm x 3.6cm x 2.5cm -> 167.761 (peak)

Mar 2021: 4.5cm x 3.5cm x 2.05cm -> 135.25

Dec 2021: 4.2cm x 3.45cm x 2.05cm -> 124.43

Aug 2022: 4.3cm x 3.2cm x 2.30cm -> 132.567

Sep 2022: 4.35cm x 3.25cm x 2.2cm -> 130.281

Latest Update:

#blonde bbw, #extreme cbt, #Everclear injections, #body modification, #medfet, #banding, #bdsm medical fetish, #medical cbt, #sub jason update, #castration, #tribander, #testicle banding, #judgment day