After Effects: sub jason 3.5yr Summary

 

In sub jason's own words...

MsPatty has again requested a summary update of my journey with Her.  As far as functional improvements, very little has changed between my thighs.  my T-test results technically crossed the clinical low-normal line over the winter of 2023.  In the greater picture, my overall testosterone level still remains ~1/3 of what it was prior to MsPatty's modifications in December 2019.  i still experience random hot flashes.  my energy level (libido) to pursue the opposite sex remains low.  What has recently changed for me is my realization of how many of MsPatty's powerful desires are behind this journey.  During the first 4 years, i envisioned my high libido, and MsPatty's will, competed in many rounds of strength and endurance.  Then, during <December 2019's epic engagement>, She effortlessly decimated my libido in an hour.  The last ~3.5 years has effectively been MsPatty toying with what survived, me struggling with the reality of what transpired, and Her waiting patiently to administer the coup de grace.

After the first meeting in December 2015, MsPatty decided She would one day lead me to experience my fantasy of castration.  During the Summer of 2016 visit, She used Her <Burdizzo on both cords> to begin that process.  This allowed Her to demonstrate how fragile a connection they had to me.  She also declared that she was taking ownership of Her testicles.  Via regular physical and psychological strikes, She gradually separated them from the sexual image which i held of myself.  Even while this transpired, Her next desire soon emerged.  She sought to slowly diminish (damage) the function of one of Her nuts between my thighs.  She focused greater physical attention on the slightly smaller right orb, and/or its cord.  Any time i raised a concern, She pointed out that the other one would still try to make up for it...  December 2019's activities would also impose a greater effect upon it's function and size.  During Her recent Judgement Day 2022, MsPatty again targeted her 'little boy', <clamping his cord> for ~5 minutes.  While it appears to have survived Her latest efforts, i continue to feel the cord's ache ~6 months later.  Knowing that MsPatty is always pushing, Her continued pursuit is expected to cause it further functional decline. 

During November 2019, MsPatty decided to surprise me.  In what should have been my 'fantasy castration experience', She attempted to band Her nuts for an hour, but i was unable to last past 30 minutes.  To make up for this, i quickly promised to last the full hour (in December).  But MsPatty always wants more.  She now desired for me to experience an extended period of healing.  She wanted the expected 2-3 months of castration-like symptoms to linger for a bit longer.  She introduced Her acrylic ball press and added Everclear injections to realize this greater result, also increasing the risk for permanent damage.  As She spoke of in <July 2020>, MsPatty more than met and exceeded Her expectations in December 2019.  She feels no remorse at the result.  She took full control of 'Her boys' between my thighs that night.  From this point forward, my ability to engage in and enjoy sexual activities abruptly declined.  Sexual intimacy (i.e. - intercourse) with a woman will never be the same for me.  my efforts to get erect and effect a release is now high, with low a reward.

In the meantime, MsPatty continues to manipulate what little remains of my libido.  For now, i am still permitted to try to engage in sexual intercourse with a willing woman.  However, Her little pill is my only option to reliably get hard for a little while.  It is my only hope to penetrate, while i must still navigate all the complications of intimacy it now entails.  In my only other attempt to get laid ~2 years ago, without a pill, i failed to enter my partner.  Because i must use Her property (Her boys) and Her pill, i am required to notify MsPatty about any opportunity to have sex, and report on what transpired soon after.  Almost six years have now passed since i was last sexually intimate with a woman.

Soon after my first visit Her, MsPatty deemed me to be a chronic masturbator.  In the ~4 years which followed, She gradually reduced my frequency of self-indulgent releases from an average of ~12-14 times/week, to ~1/week.  More recently, that average has fallen further, now with only 22 releases in the first half / ~26 weeks of 2023.  Always desiring more control, MsPatty now requires me to seek Her permission before releasing at all times.  She has warned She will grant it less frequently than before.  Also, when i am permitted to self-release, i am not permitted to enjoy them anymore.  i.e. it must be blocked/ruined.  What i used to enjoy no longer brings me pleasure, and instead my frustration from it brings pleasure to MsPatty.

i know my ongoing struggle with the effects of low testosterone continues to thrill MsPatty.  At the same time, i had never expected to be permanently modified or castrated.  i have slowly come to terms with Her permanent modifications.  This includes the erectile dysfunction and my loss of sexual confidence.  Despite the last three Judgement Days each granting me another year of use of 'Her boys', my mind has clung to the notion that this has all been part of my fantasy castration experience.  Only in the past month have i come to realize one more of MsPatty's deepest desires.  Her desire has been to turn my castration fantasy into my reality.  She knows that, while She plays hard with Her modified 'boys', one day it will be too much.  Once they fail, Her desire will be fulfilled.  

In the meantime, MsPatty calls Her boys home to visit Her every few months, and i must bring them.  MsPatty fully controls what remains of my sex.

After Effects: sub jason; 2 years & 9 months (~1000 days)

 

In sub jason's own words...

Since MsPatty shared my last personal update, there have been few observed changes.  my sensitivity to physical stimulation down below remains low.  In the early morning, when testosterone peaks, my ability to physically stimulate an erection is slightly easier, but nothing to celebrate.  Spontaneous erections from mental arousal alone remains elusive.  An erection, without maintaining physical stimulation, and my mental attention, quickly deflates.  Using a ring at the base sometimes helps maintain it a little, but it's not reliable.  my best erection today remains 1" shorter than it used to be, and always less firm.  i continue to experience difficulties in maintaining a comfortable body temperature, particularly during the overnight.  i have noted an overall reduction in personal energy and motivation for doing physical activities.

During my first visit in December 2015, 6-3/4 years ago, MsPatty confirmed my interest in Fantasy Castration.  Years later, She would reveal that by the end of that visit, She had decided on two goals.  1) She would one day leave Her mark on me, and 2) She would one day lead me to experience the symptoms of castration.  Four years later, She achieved both, and exceed her expectations on the latter.  Her achievement has permanently deprived me of my (formerly) strong libido.  Most of the sexual activities i once enjoyed i can no longer pursue.  MsPatty is not bothered by this significant outcome.  She claims this is Her way of reminding me of 'the male slut i used to be', regardless of my attempts to argue otherwise.  She highlights all of the poor choices i made over the past ~35 years.  Among them, She points to the many partners i had, and my multiple attempts with each, failing to impregnate any of them, even with my rare use of condoms.  MsPatty frequently reminds me She has (so far) allowed me to 'keep Her boys between my thighs', but in a greatly reduced functional state.

Between my thighs, it no longer feels like a strong and stable platform for engaging in sexual activity - it sometimes feels completely absent in the day or so after a release.  The urge to masturbate strikes once, or maybe twice, a week.  It used to occur most mornings and occasionally in the afternoon or evening.  To gain an erection, i have to continually stimulate myself by hand, mentally focusing on staying hard, and on what MsPatty has done there, instead of (previously) trying to enjoy the journey up the orgasmic incline with a random partner (real or fantasy) and ride the euphoric edge as long as possible.  my delivery process now has fewer pulses, each are weaker, and the thinner mixture is quickly exhausted.  It seems to take more energy from me to achieve, and the euphoria from it quickly fades.

Biologically, 3+ days must pass after a previous release before my body replenishes enough fluids for another reasonable discharge.  my output, when waiting less time, is drizzly, or merely a small squirt.  The overall quality, once copious and thick, is a thinner liquid with some thicker globs.  This implies lower overall sperm production, and lacking in other components in the mix.  i was once capable of ~2-3 viable releases a day, but like many of the vivid memories i had from past encounters, both have faded out of reach.  my only attempt at having penetrative sex since MsPatty's modifications was last year.  i attempted entering several times, with my most recent partner, after physically stroking myself to an erection, but quickly became too limp each time.  The last time i had successful sexual intercourse was with them ~5 years ago.  MsPatty has made it harder for me to reach an orgasm, made it less enjoyable once getting there, and made what i produce less viable - if it can ever be delivered on target again.

MsPatty has since graciously offered me a pill which can provide an erection for a short time.  The criteria for its use, and the delay before its effects show, make spontaneous use nearly impossible, and planned use difficult.  First, i must vet any possible partner with MsPatty.  The pill, taken orally, takes about 30 minutes to take effect.  It provides only about 30 minutes of useful stiffness, with no improvement in sensitivity.  i am only to take the pill if i am sure i am going to enter my partner's pussy - i cannot waste it on speculation or other activities.  Soon after, i am required to describe, in detail, the entire encounter to MsPatty.  i know my efforts must also please MsPatty in what i do, or i may not be granted another pill.  This leaves little overall time to just enjoy.  Other factors include 1) i am insecure, not knowing if i can reach a climax from just penetration stimulation - i am convinced a condom would make it all but impossible to feel anything, 2) my partners are relatively vanilla, and an explanation of where my issues come from are hardly pillow talk, and 3) i would have nothing left in my tank if a 'second effort' was called for.  MsPatty, of course, suggests i should, "...not concern myself with my little problems <wicker giggle>, just please your partner."

All of my frustration is directly attributed to low testosterone.  Prior to MsPatty’s modifications, each testicle would have functioned at ~50% (with a 50% reserve).  One fully healthy organ could still provide normal levels of testosterone, sperm, and generation of other related fluids.  From the most recent T-test, my level only improved a few percent closer to the low/normal line.  The function/output of each of 'her boys' is estimated at only 15-20%, with no reserve.  MsPatty has effectively reduced my testosterone level to ~1/3 of a normal male.   Only a very small improvement in T level has been gradually seen over the last 2+ years.  It seems unlikely that i will attain even 1/2 of my former level.  This also assumes MsPatty does not make further modifications.

MsPatty remains thrilled by my ongoing struggle from Her leaving Her eternal mark inside me.  She recently passed along a question from several: Was this something i wanted (permanently)? or expected to happen?  The simple answer is no, it is/was not, but how it transpired is not so clear cut.  i chose to accept certain risks, and there were also added unknowns which i allowed to contribute.  The result has become my unique journey with MsPatty, and i must live with it.  From this, MsPatty happily reminds me of the pride She feels having modified my sexual responses.  From this, She knows She will always control my sexual future.

---

Now for My own words...My balls between sub jason's thighs will be up for My judgement again at the end of the year. Will they remain as they are, or will I finally kill them permanently? Time will only tell. <wicked grin> 

To view all My posts here on LeatherRealm talking about sub jason's journey, go to LeatherRealm: sub jason.

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