Sunday, February 12, 2023

After Effects: sub jason 3 years & 2-month

In sub jason's own words:

After Effects: sub jason, @ 3 years and 2 months update...

From nearly three years ago (May 2020), sub jason filled out this form created from points of castration experiences made by others after his experience on Judgement Day 2019, and each year since.  his answers then, up through now, appear side-by-side:

For the first month or so:

    You may not physically feel any different, although the internal feeling that something is missing slowly creeps in.

 5Mos: Generally true, but the first 2 weeks was masked mostly by organ swelling and regional pain.

 1yr5mos: i feel sexually inadequate between my thighs.  

 2yrs5mos: i long for that strong feeling between my thighs to return, but it's merely a echo of a memory.

 Now: It has been so long since i had a libido, i can barely remember what it feels like to have one.

    You will gradually lose your sex drive.

 5Mos: i had little to none soon after until about 3+ months later.  While some has returned, it's still currently low.

 1yr5mos: The interest has returned.  The ability to perform has not.

 2yrs5mos: The interest is in my mind but being unable to physically respond is a constant frustration.

 Now: If one can call what i occasionally feel a sex drive, it may just be distant memories echoing.

    Emotionally, you tend to want to masturbate more and more, while it is still possible.

 5Mos: This was true, but i held myself to about twice a week for release measurement purposes. The urge to know if they were still working was the prominent interest.

 1yr5mos: After any release, the desire/interest to do so disappears for at least 2-3 days.

 2yrs5mos: While a release after much of a week of abstaining generates some reasonable fluid output (one to two mostly liquid pulses), it is very short in euphoric reward.  Another release sooner is dribbling and unrewarding.

 Now: Masturbation barely produces a release of more than a small blob and some drizzle after Judgement Day 2022, even after a week recharge.  Soon after a release, i have the urge to masturbate again, but i know i won't have anything left to emit.  After several hours pass the urge goes away for a around a ~week.

Past a few weeks to a month:

You will have random hot flashes and night sweats, and they may continue for weeks, months, or more.

 5Mos: True, and they continued with slightly less intensity past 3 months, but rare now at 5 months.

 1yr5mos: i still feel the occasional random hot flash, and with hotter evenings or more physical activity being the potential trigger.

 2yrs5mos: They are not as frequent as a year ago, but still random, yet tied to physical activity when they do occur.

 Now: After the last Judgement Day 2022, i felt more than several hot flashes over the following week, and then they subsided again.

    Your penis will slowly shrink and atrophy.

 5Mos: It lost ~20% of it's former erect length, unknown girth loss (erect) in the initial weeks. It has regained about half of what length was lost.

 1yr5mos: i have not regained any additional capacity, and achieving that firmness remains an effort.  Where i used to feel it when erections were happening, i now only seem to notice when a semi-erection is retracting.

 2yrs5mos: Only a very minor change noticed since last year.  On some mornings, the hint of a little more thickness sometimes appears, but it is barely noticeable.

 Now: After the last Judgement Day 2022, it seems retracted slightly more often than it was prior.

    Your penis will lose sensitivity, with physical contact becoming more like any other part of your skin.

 5Mos: True. It has since regained some sensitivity after 3+ months, but not back to what it was.

 1yr5mos: The sensitivity level is about the same as it was a year ago and affects my ability to become and stay aroused.

 2yrs5mos: i remain about the same as a year ago, with the ongoing erectile dysfunction / lack of sensitivity / inability to remain erect.

 Now: About the same as last report.

    As your testicles atrophy, you will lose most of the sexual feelings once centered in your groin region.

 5Mos: It had produced a void feeling in the region soon after, for several weeks, which dissipated to neutral and a slight recovery after some hormone production rebounded near 3+ months.

 1yr5mos: Some additional feeling has returned, along with interest, but it has not translated into much additional functionality.

 2yrs5mos: The drive, or strength, that once emanated from my groin remains absent, with no notable improvement in the past year.

 Now: There has not been any further atrophy since Judgement Day 2022, but my groin has no notable feeling or drive to initiate sex.

    Your testicles will lose mass, and your scrotum will shrink.

 5Mos: They lost ~50% in volume and have only recently regained a small of that amount back.

 1yr5mos: Although volume measurements indicate to a return to low-normal human size, visually they are only about 2/3 their former size.

 2yrs5mos: Measurements have stopped as their relative size remains about constant to what was about a year ago.  

 Now: After the last Judgement Day 2022, they again were swollen, with the smaller right exceeding the size of the left for about 3 weeks.  They remain more firm than normal, although the size/ratio between them is back to about what it was 2 months ago.

    Erections will become less firm, then weak, until they become impossible to achieve.

 5Mos: Erections became difficult with physical stimulation, impossible to achieve by mental efforts, and only recently improved a little approaching 4-5 months.

 1yr5mos: i remain unable to gain and maintain any erection without physical stimulation, and it's quality remains reduced.

 2yrs5mos: Other than the minor thickening noted on some mornings, nothing else has improved with my erection without the use of an enhancement pill

 Now: After the last Judgement Day 2022, it has become harder to generate an erection from physical stimulation, although still possible.

    M/F sexual dysphoria will be reduced.

    M/Eunuch sexual dysphoria will be reduced.

    You may experience more emotional episodes.

All three - Not an issue before at any point.

Longer Term: COVID isolation protocol has made some of this difficult to directly attribute.

    You will likely gain abdominal fat.

 No change in weight @ 2+ months, but heavier at 5 months and more so a year later due to world events (COVID) and reduced physical of activity.  i remain heavier and find it difficult much of the time to motivate to get the extra exercise needed to take it off.

    You will stop looking at women within a sexual context.

 5Mos: This was true particularly during the 1–2-month period. Due to a lack of being able to sexually perform, there is reduced interest.

 1yr5mos: The interest has returned, but my perceived inability to perform deters me from pursuing.

 2yrs5mos: What was once a natural activity to engage and potentially explore is no longer natural in execution, with my sexual failure (if events were to get that far) all but certain.

 Now: i know i can't physically engage, so i don't bother to pursue.

    Body hair softens, thins, or disappears.

Now: Did not occur, although slowing of baldness process may have happened.

    You may lose upper body muscle and strength.

    Mustache and beard growth reduces dramatically.

    You will feel as if you are asexual.

    Female breasts may develop over a period of a couple of years.

Now: Neither occurred.


i filled out MsPatty's First Contact questionnaire over 7 years ago. i listed an interest in castration fantasy, which MsPatty was quite pleased to learn. 

Over the course of the next 4 years, that fantasy was explored in different ways.  She attempted several times to cause deeper effects over many visits.  

On December 26, 2019, i experienced the loss of all testosterone production as a result of the hour banding, producing the effects of castration, as She planned.  i had hinted during the Fall lead up conversations that maybe the Everclear from two years prior might play a part, and MsPatty carpe diem.  The effects of the added Everclear, used together with the hour banding, have proven to be a devastating permanent effect. 

MsPatty remains thrilled that i continue to struggle with low testosterone, and the frustration of sexual inadequacy.  MsPatty wanted a long-term reminder and succeeded well beyond Her expectations.  Although there had been small gains in most every quarterly testosterone tests through 2022, additional damage from Judgement Day 2022 appears to have negated much of that progress.

MsPatty points out that i can, with focused effort or a pill, get hard and be driven to release some small amount of semen.  She explains further that this technically means i am not castrated.  i know my reproductive system has been highly compromised by MsPatty's modifications.  The net effect in my daily experience is that i continue to suffer most of the effects of castration.

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